Wednesday, May 28, 2014

The Friend Zone


It was a beautiful Spring day in the city. Trees in the park were in bloom, showing off their best colors, a welcome relief to the grayness of steel and concrete. He met her for lunch at the usual spot, an outdoor picnic table near a garden she loved. Her eyes were the color of irises just like Van Gogh would have painted them, and he noticed a sparkle, more so than ever. This was the day he was going to let her know how he felt about her, that his friendship had grown into love. The sparkle in her eyes encouraged him, and he was about to blurt it all out, putting his fears of rejection aside. And then she said, "I have incredible news and couldn't wait to tell you today. I got engaged last night!"

his heart collapsed twice
like the Twin Towers, turning
love into ashes

~ ~ ~
Posted for Poets United
Midweek Motif ~ Best Friend
and dVerse ~ Haibun

38 comments:

  1. How effective was the setting of this post to reveal the disaster. It is only later will she realize the damage she has caused to her friend.

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    1. She didn't know that's how he felt about her :)

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  2. Oh, I can feel it. You wrote this so well. I can feel his heart collapsing like the Twin Towers.

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  3. Ouch on that love turning into ashes ~ That was so unexpected, lovely haibun ~

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  4. oh, interesting tie to the twin towers
    which brings a whole other layer of emotion and meaning
    hard hitting piece...ouch. he was not expecting that
    at all..

    hope you enjoyed the day L

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  5. damn, that would surely suck, time to break the engagement lol

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    1. why didn't he think of that
      you're a smart cat :)

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  6. oooo! powerful stuff to be hit by terrorists! and I'd be that angry at her too, for a friend, she didn't share the important things in her life--but then, neither did he! You picked the perfect metaphor.

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    1. Thank you, Susan, for your observation & insight. I loved exploring this topic of friendship ... it took me to an unexpected place. Smiles :)

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  7. Emotional and powerful, this hits the heart, Well Done.

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  8. The turn was completely unexpected, but it makes it a great story, because that is how real life works. There are unexpected twists and turns all the time, some good, some bad, but no matter what they are we need to deal with it. The "friendship turns into love" topic is a very difficult one and I'm sure most of us have experienced it one way or the other. Now I want this story to continue to know what happens!

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  9. Oh wow. Poor guy. I wonder if he feigned excitement like those in the friend zoned often have to. Such an odd position to be in. I think we've all been there a time or two. I wonder if she had been oblivious to how he felt the entire time. He should have spoken sooner! By the way, I saw the poem you write about Beate and I on her blog and I was blown away. You are such an awesome person Loredana :)

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  10. Ouch - and what an image of the towers falling..could feel it in his chest..i would imagine a lot of us have at least one moment we can equate to that..also love the mix of story to poem..it mirrors the intensity..

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  11. yes, this would work great for todays prompt

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  12. Wow, evoking the image of the Twin Towers really articulates the pain he must have felt. Really powerful!

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  13. What a way to spring it on the non-fiance :-)
    It's haibun for Dverse tonight.
    I'm only just learning what it is.

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  14. love how real the story is, the bit about Van Gogh is beautiful. lovely poetry!

    stacy lynn mar
    http://warningthestars.blogspot.com/

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  15. Your writing is so descriptive and captivating. I really felt for this man as he received the news that his love would not be returned.

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  16. Wow, was not expecting this.
    SO nicely done, Loredana!

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  17. Yikes.. you get the wind knocked out of you when you least expect it. That haiku is powerful.. nicely done.

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  18. Ouch! Such is the burn of friendship when we believe it is so much more.
    Gone down this road...
    Anna :o]

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  19. Aptly titled, and the haiku closes the piece with terrific impact.

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  20. Ooooh, another one bites the dust... how sad... I guess we see what we want to see not what really is.

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  21. Waiting too long - always that - going from friendship to love is probably one of the hardest steps to take. Love your storytelling.. That twist and the haiku to bring it down like those towers.. But difficult as it might seem, he has to share her joy and remain a friend.. I can see this as the first scene of film.

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    1. Wow, thank you for your generous comment, Bjorn! Enjoyed the prompt very much ... love haibun. Who could be the stars in the movie? hmmm ... smiles :)

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  22. oh snap... that is so tough... i can imagine that he felt like those twin tower collapsing...when everything just breaks down in a second...ouch...tightly penned
    love the iris - van gogh ref. as well

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  23. He should have Whatsapped it LD. Thank you for some cool springtime fun and the heartbreak as well. Its all in the game.

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  24. Ouch, that last line of the prose part stunned me. I could feel his pain. The haiku worked well the portray the emotional feeling in a very real way.

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  25. That park looks very inviting, especially with the clouds and rain we have here.

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  26. I enjoyed the unexpected twist at the end and the metaphor in your haiku.

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  27. Ugh, the Friend Zone. No one likes to be stuck there. I love the way you combined both prompts and your haibun accomplishes exactly what I imagine one is intended to do....the haiku at the end adds the punch while the prose at the start sets the stage and adds depth. Beautifully written from start to finish.

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  28. Loredana, your haiku perfectly illustrated the destruction she unwittingly caused him. I could feel his anticipation and then imagine his pain, made worse by probably then thinking that he should be glad for her because he cared for her. Beautifully executed.

    janet

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  29. Heartbreaking, but beautiful writing. Thanks for sharing.
    Deb@ http://debioneille.blogspot.com

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  30. Thank you, everyone, for all your kind comments on this post! :)

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