It was raining out and the street lights were reflected on the wet pavement in neon colors. This was the night she was going to be kissed. It didn’t matter that she felt so insecure, unworthy, not ready. She was going to let the rain wash away all those fears. Let it rain until yesterday’s tears turned into tomorrow’s blooms. Let it rain until it rained no more.
He was going to take her out to dinner by candlelight in a fancy restaurant. She was so nervous she changed her outfit several times. She put her hair up, then down, then up again. She thought about topics for conversations. She imagined different scenarios. Would he hold her hand, look into her eyes or not like her and never ask her out again?
After dinner, they were going to see a movie. Would he snuggle up with her in the movie theater or be distant? Would they even make it to the movies or cut the date short? She looked at herself in the mirror, thinking how could a grown woman feel like a teenager on a first date? Relax, she said to herself. It’s just a stupid date, after a year of not dating.
She waited impatiently for the door bell to ring. But the phone rang instead. He was delayed and apologized profusely. Could they meet in front of the movie theater? She hesitated but gave him the benefit of the doubt and said yes. She grabbed her purse and umbrella and decided to walk in the rain. Maybe that would do her good.
She browsed through some store windows. Valentine’s Day displays were already everywhere even though it was still January. There was so much pressure on this made-up holiday to be in love, to be with someone. So what if she would still be alone by then? She would survive. Yet she looked at the lit up heart in the window and sighed.
She arrived at the movie theater. It looked like it was crowded inside, typical for a Saturday night. She waited by the door as a car pulled up. It must be him. He got out of the car and walked towards another woman in the movie theater. No, it wasn’t him. She waited another 15 minutes, and then called him. No answer. Did she get stood up?
She decided she was going to the movies anyway. Alone. She went inside, bought a ticket and a small box of popcorn. No, make it a large one, she said to the cashier. She found a good seat in the back of the theater and watched the previews. A tear fell into the popcorn. She said to herself she wasn’t going to cry over a man ever again.
And then someone tapped on her shoulder …
who could it be this time,
the one to mendor break her heart again?
~ ~ ~
This is a haibun, a combination of prose and haiku, shared with Poets United. It was inspired by a rainy night. I took the pictures in my hometown. To be continued ...