Thursday, November 28, 2013

Storm


lightning
slices through the fog,
it crashes upon
a tree branch,
barren
framed by my window

the sky turns
dark,
i remember the cold
as if walking
on marble floors,
barefoot

it rains
a sliver of moon
and you,
silhouetted
against its light, fading
into me
~~~
Posted for Kerry's challenge in black & white at the Imaginary Garden With Real Toads.

42 comments:

  1. I like the way you framed your image in the window, creating a good tension between observer and observed, very similar to the way a photographer is separate from his/her subject yet feels a part of it too.

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    1. Thank you, Kerry. It was a wonderful challenge. Poetry is a bit like black & white photography, using contrast, tone and mood ... and light :)

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  2. That is true ... as if walking on marble floors, barefoot.... when it is really cold.

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  3. I really like "as if walking on marble floors, barefoot" which made me actually feel the coldness through my feet.

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    1. Thank you, Sherry. Yes, I wanted to show that feeling of coldness ... metaphorically speaking as well. :)

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  4. *´¨)
    ¸.•´¸.•*´¨) ¸.•*¨)
    (¸.•´ (¸.•` ¤ Happy Thanksgiving! ¤

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    1. What an "artsy" comment ... thank you, Madge! You, too :)

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  5. bella questa metafora in bianco e nero....del pavimento a piedi scalzi....il brivido che invade l'essere umano....e lo rende partecipe ad osservare il mondo attraverso la finestra. DOLCE SERA emilio.

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    1. Grazie, Emilio, una bellissima interpretazione della mia poesia. Un abbraccio :)

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  6. you set the tone and mood well, Loredana ~

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    1. Thank you, Michael. Yes, I wanted the poem to feel "cinematic" :)

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  7. Oh a cold rain...it does slice right through you....here it is frigid and snowing...hope you have a wonderful holiday....Happy Thanksgiving!

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    1. Snow already, Donna? Not here yet. Hope you enjoyed the holiday. Stay warm! :)

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  8. Such a fade will never fade, great scene depicted on your screen

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  9. You've created the tone and mood of colorlessness very effectively. I enjoy that you bring us to the sky again in the end. Well done!

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    1. Thank you, Hannah. Yes, I wanted to show the inner and outer world :)

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  10. Just so lovely and fading into me is awesome...

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    1. Glad you like that line, Vandana. Fading into me ... could mean so many things! :)

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  11. A great opening line (and stanza)

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    1. Thank you, Sam. Yes, I thought "lightning" was a dramatic opening :)

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  12. Wonderful tensions balled in here, precise and articulate about the outer landscape and inscape of event, memory and, I think, what we dream.

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    1. I love your interpretation of my poem. You understood its essence and meaning. Thank you, Brendan :)

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  13. Wonderful imagery of back and forth through the scene and I love the idea of raining a sliver of moon. Well done. k.

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  14. Oh, Loredana, this is so beautiful. The softness of the fog, the harshness of the lightning...the imagery and the feelings are perfect.

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    1. I like your observation, Kim ... thank you! :)

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  15. ... 'fading into me' ~~~ you ended this lovely poem with three words packed with meaning.

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    1. So glad that line was meaningful to you, Helen. Thank you :)

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  16. So much black and white, no room for color amidst the cold. It's beautiful.
    K

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  17. This is fantastic, Loredana, and I really love the photograph.
    Wishing you a wonderful weekend.

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    1. Glad you like the photo, Lisa! A full moon in NYC :)

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  18. Ah! You have captured the true feeling of a winter storm. Like walking barefoot on marble floors - I can feel the cold drama of your words. Stay warm, my dear. xo Karen

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    1. You, too, Karen! I'm sure it's warm & cozy in your pretty home :)

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  19. I just popped over from Keith's Optimistic Existentialist blog.
    Love the poem.
    Rick, your latest follower.

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    1. Thank you for the kind comment and follow. Welcome, Rick :)

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  20. wow, that was really good. keep it up!

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  21. You've created such atmosphere with your words! Nice work.

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    1. Thank you, Geraldine. Yes, I wanted to create a moody & mysterious atmosphere. Glad you liked it :)

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